The brothers argued day and night about everything. They couldn’t seem to agree on anything. Their parents tried to help them solve their differences but nothing worked until their grandfather intervened and told them this story, one that his grandfather told him when he was a boy: “An elderly farmer had several sons. He loved them very much, yet they argued all the time. Because of this problem, the work didn’t get done. Animals didn’t get fed on time, vegetables rotted because no one picked them, cows got through the hole in the fence, and so on.

One day, the grandfather gathered his grandsons in the kitchen. He placed a bundle of sticks tightly tied together on the table in front of them, explaining, “I want to see who of you is strongest – take turns and try to break this bundle of sticks.” All the brothers were muscular, but no one could break the bundle of sticks. Thenn the grandfather untied the bundle and handed a stick to each of his grandsons, saying, “Now see if you can break a single stick.” Of course, this was easy and one by one, they broke all the sticks.

Grandpa explained: “None of you could break the bundle of sticks, but all of you easily cracked the single sticks. The bundle of sticks was unbreakable. Not even the strongest among you could destroy it. You brothers need to be like a bundle of sticks. Stick together, cooperate, take care of one another, and no one will ever break this family or this farm. Now you are apart and divided, fighting all the time. If this keeps up, each one of you will be easily broken. Let’s make a new start and try to get along. You can be as tightly bound as the bundle of sticks, happily enjoying each other’s company instead of fighting, and the farm will prosper.”   

Activity: Testing the strength of sticks bundled together (symbolizing cooperation) versus a single stick (an individual) - which is stronger? Presenting and discussing two practices: “I-messages”and "How to Apologize and Mean It.” Teachers need to post these two charts and practice the methods with students over a period of time (several weeks or twice a month over the course of a year - some consistent practicing). Teachers can coach students to model the wrong way to handle a conflict before practicing the steps, so everyone can feel the difference. 

Materials Needed: a bundle of sticks tied together by a rope for each group of 3-5 children, single sticks (one per child); an “I-messages”chart; a “How to apologize and mean it” chart

Chart: I-messages

I feel______when_________because_____________ (my needs).

Note to teacher: Here’s a way to explain why I-messages can lead to cooperation:  An I-message helps us communicate our own feelings and circumstances without blaming and criticizing the other person. We are just trying to let the other person know how we feel in hopes that he or she will understand how their words/actions hurt us. The intention is for the I-messenger to clearly express their feelings instead of just getting angry and accusing the other.  The offender may be willing to  make the change needed if he or she doesn’t feel attacked. 

Chart: How to Apologize and Mean It 

I’m sorry for__________. It was wrong because ___________. I think you feel__________. Is there anything I can do to make it better? 

Directions: 

• Teacher: “Today we will review the story “Families Stick Together” and do some activities that will help us understand the importance of cooperation. We will practice some tools that can help us solve the conflicts that can prevent us from cooperating. 
• Gather the materials and reread the story “Families Stick Together.” Divide into small groups (3-5 children per group)
• Give each child a chance to break an individual stick, then let them try the bundle. 
• The teacher reviews the “I Statement” chart, explaining that an  “I statement” focuses on how you feel rather than blaming the other person: “I felt hurt when you shouted at me.” The teacher also reviews the “How to apologize and mean it” chart. 
• Teacher leads a class discussion reflecting on the lesson in the activity. Use the Guiding Questions in the Companion Content for further discussion. 

1. Why was it so hard to break the bundle of sticks and so easy to break one stick? 
2. How do you feel around people who are arguing? How do you feel when you’re arguing with someone? Or do you avoid all conflicts? How does that feel? 
3.  Imagine you’re upset with someone else in your family for something they did - what did they do? Give an example of an “I statement”to let them know how you feel. 
4. Imagine you hurt someone’s feelings and you want to apologize. Review the steps that lead to a sincere apology. 
5. When you’re angry with someone and have to cool off, what do you do to calm yourself down and feel better? 
6. Do you have someone in your family to talk with when you’re upset? If there’s no one in your family to talk with, is there someone who you trust to talk with about a problem? 
7.  Why might a conflict be something useful? What could you learn from a conflict?