About the Story.
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Story: “The Farmer and the Bundle of Sticks” is an old Jewish tale from the Talmud, a book of ancient teachings regarded as sacred by the Jewish people. The Talmud is full of good advice about solving common problems like arguing and fighting. Here’s what happens in the story.
The brothers argued day and night about everything. They couldn’t seem to agree on anything. Their parents tried to help them solve their differences but nothing worked until their grandfather intervened and told them this story, one that his grandfather told him when he was a boy: “An elderly farmer had several sons. He loved them very much, yet they argued all the time. Because of this problem, the work didn’t get done. Animals didn’t get fed on time, vegetables rotted because no one picked them, cows got through the hole in the fence, and so on.
One day, the grandfather gathered his grandsons in the kitchen. He placed a bundle of sticks tightly tied together on the table in front of them, explaining, “I want to see who of you is strongest – take turns and try to break this bundle of sticks.” All the brothers were muscular, but no one could break the bundle of sticks. Thenn the grandfather untied the bundle and handed a stick to each of his grandsons, saying, “Now see if you can break a single stick.” Of course, this was easy and one by one, they broke all the sticks.
Grandpa explained: “None of you could break the bundle of sticks, but all of you easily cracked the single sticks. The bundle of sticks was unbreakable. Not even the strongest among you could destroy it. You brothers need to be like a bundle of sticks. Stick together, cooperate, take care of one another, and no one will ever break this family or this farm. Now you are apart and divided, fighting all the time. If this keeps up, each one of you will be easily broken. Let’s make a new start and try to get along. You can be as tightly bound as the bundle of sticks, happily enjoying each other’s company instead of fighting, and the farm will prosper.”
Every family is unique, one of a kind. At the same time, all families have some things in common. The members of every family depend on and need one another. In the Jewish tale, there was no peace in the home, and the farm chores didn’t get done because the brothers were arguing all the time. Family relationships were broken, in need of fixing, and that is why the grandfather told the story about the bundle of sticks.
All families can do some things really well and that’s when everyone feels satisfied and happy. But there are also times when relationships aren’t working. Parents argue, siblings don't get along, family rules seem restrictive and irritating, parents and children lose patience with each other, or someone is too bossy or messy. When we talk to our friends we find out that other families have the same kind of challenges. So relationship problems in families are normal, not strange. At the same time, kids and parents and other family members can make it better. How?
It’s hard to believe, but these situations can be useful, even though it can hurt or make us feel uncomfortable. When there’s an argument or some kind of conflict, there are some steps to make it better. We can calm down and take time apart to think about what’s happening, or work on problem solving if everyone is okay to talk. A trustworthy person, another family member or good friend can offer advice. We can make more effort to understand the other members of our family, willing to listen to their side of the story. We can be proactive to prevent conflicts and try to be nicer and more cooperative. We can use “I statements” to express our opinions, and not interrupt others when they’re trying to tell us what’s going on. Hopefully, as the family members learn and practice these relationship skills, everyone will feel more at peace and get along better.
